Sometimes it's really hard having 2 kids. Not exactly hard in a demanding physical way, more of a mental, emotional way. The past 3 and a half months I just don't feel like I've been able to give as much attention to Bailey that she deserves. It seems I'm always rushing her through everything, morning routine, bedtime routine, homework, even walking! Things about her that I never gave a second thought to, now, I'm ashamed to admit, get on my nerves, and I hate that. You honestly could not ask for a better big sister. She's not demanding of me, has nothing but kisses for Aubree, loves it when people give her attention, always wants to push the buggy, even buys her things with her own money. It really hit me last night, when exhausted, I was getting Bailey ready for bed and it seemed I fussed more than anything, over things that normally wouldn't bother me at all. The whole process took all of 10 minutes, and the way I acted, you'd think it took hours. I didn't seem to hurt her feelings, but I'm sure she knew I was agitated. When I laid down with Aubree a few minutes later, it hit me how different things were. There used to be a time we'd take forever with bedtime, and it didn't bother me in the least. We'd scratch each others back, masage eachothers shoulders, and her favorite, rubbing lotion on my feet. When I was pregnant we did this often, and more times than most, I laid with her and told her stories and scratched her back until she, or I, dozed off. The last 3 and a half months, she's went to bed alone, with me in the other room with Aubree, and she's never shown the first sign of jealousy. Last night it really bothered me, and I had her crawl in bed with Aubree and I and she wanted to rub lotion on my pigs. (Only a crazy person would turn that down) It broke my heart, that after that long of less and less attention, she still wanted to do something really nice for me. I'm not sure what I did to raise such a sweet little girl, but I'm awfully glad I did. From now on, I'm making a conscious effort to make more time for her. Because I think it really is things like that that little girls remember from childhood. It's a tradition I hope to continue with Aubree. To me bedtime is also cuddly time.
Posted by Beverly on Thursday, October 11, 2007 at 17:12
Comments (2)
Aaaaah hon - you gave me tears. I didn't read this post yesterday and just came back to do so. I've gone through this exact thing. And my big guy is just as good as Bailey - we are both so lucky to have great kids. He's always right there to spend time with us even if we've had a bad night or day because I get frustrated with all the rushing around. I have so many guilty feelings everyday because I didn't spend enough time with him. The other night we'd been having an especially busy ucky night and my big little guy did the dishes for me because he knew I was out of time and tired. I swear he's the greatest kid I've ever known!
Comments by RMB from United States on Tuesday, October 16, 2007 at 16:13
Awww I loved this...you know now with me being pregnant with my second I worry about this same thing. I have already found myself rushing through lifes little everyday rountines with Chandler because I'm tired and have had a long day at work and just want time to myself to relax before I have to go to bed and wake up and do it all again and when its all quiet and he is in bed I lie there awake feeling guilty that I didnt spend that extra time with him. Its hard and I am sure that it will get even harder but the only thing you can do is try your very best to make things better and make more time! Trust me when I say that I already understand where you are coming from but you are a great mom and Bailey is a wonderful child and Aubree will be as well! Like you, I am just so glad that I have a child that doesnt show jealousy at all and seems to understand just where mommy is coming from! I love you guys!
Comments by Jennifer from United States on Saturday, November 03, 2007 at 23:39
